diff --git a/changelog.d/11857-regfix-store-constfn-values.md b/changelog.d/11857-regfix-store-constfn-values.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..d2a0745974
--- /dev/null
+++ b/changelog.d/11857-regfix-store-constfn-values.md
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+A static-key store site whose value can never be a closure (a literal, an
+operator's primitive result, an object or array literal) no longer emits the
+ConstFn lane admission (#11798) on its hit and key-add paths: a flagged lane
+takes the miss, exactly as a failed admission does. A store of `v + 1` or of a
+string literal is back to its size before the ConstFn lanes (957 and 861
+bytes against 1,311 and 1,208), which most of TypeScript's enum and
+initializer stores are.
diff --git a/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/property_set.rs b/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/property_set.rs
index 8fa7b90cad..4dd5465b79 100644
--- a/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/property_set.rs
+++ b/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/property_set.rs
@@ -296,6 +296,7 @@ pub(crate) fn lower_put_value_property_set_by_name(
     assignment_strict: bool,
 ) -> Result<String> {
     super::store_census::bump(ctx, super::store_census::BY_NAME_PUT_VALUE);
+    let value_may_be_closure = !super::put_value_store_ic::value_never_closure(value);
     rooting::with_operands_rooted_across(
         ctx,
         &[object],
@@ -340,6 +341,7 @@ pub(crate) fn lower_put_value_property_set_by_name(
                 // `[[Set]]` throws it (`js_put_value_set`: node's wording, and
                 // before `Throw` is consulted), so no guard is emitted here.
                 assignment_strict,
+                value_may_be_closure,
             );
             Ok(result)
         },
diff --git a/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/put_value_store_ic.rs b/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/put_value_store_ic.rs
index 31659ae3ae..3c9ac62ff1 100644
--- a/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/put_value_store_ic.rs
+++ b/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/put_value_store_ic.rs
@@ -211,6 +211,12 @@ fn straight_line_site_outlined(ctx: &FnCtx<'_>) -> bool {
 ///
 /// A nullish receiver fails the receiver test, and the miss entry's `[[Set]]`
 /// throws its TypeError, so the hit path pays nothing for it.
+///
+/// `value_may_be_closure` is false when the stored value's expression can
+/// never evaluate to a closure ([`value_never_closure`]): a ConstFn lane then
+/// admits nothing it could store, so its admission arms are not emitted and a
+/// flagged lane takes the miss, exactly as a failed admission would.
+#[allow(clippy::too_many_arguments)]
 pub(crate) fn emit_static_store_ic(
     ctx: &mut FnCtx<'_>,
     obj_box: &str,
@@ -218,6 +224,7 @@ pub(crate) fn emit_static_store_ic(
     value_double: &str,
     value_bits: &str,
     strict: bool,
+    value_may_be_closure: bool,
 ) -> String {
     let key_idx = ctx.strings.intern(property);
     let key_handle_global = format!("@{}", ctx.strings.entry(key_idx).handle_global);
@@ -485,15 +492,19 @@ pub(crate) fn emit_static_store_ic(
     let f64_slot = ctx.block().icmp_slt(I64, &word, "0");
     let f64_idx = ctx.new_block(&format!("{STORE_IC_STEM}.hit.f64"));
     let f64_label = ctx.block_label(f64_idx);
-    let constfn_idx = ctx.new_block(&format!("{STORE_IC_STEM}.hit.constfn"));
-    let constfn_label = ctx.block_label(constfn_idx);
-    ctx.block().cond_br(&f64_slot, &f64_label, &constfn_label);
+    if value_may_be_closure {
+        let constfn_idx = ctx.new_block(&format!("{STORE_IC_STEM}.hit.constfn"));
+        let constfn_label = ctx.block_label(constfn_idx);
+        ctx.block().cond_br(&f64_slot, &f64_label, &constfn_label);
+        ctx.current_block = constfn_idx;
+        emit_constfn_value_check(ctx, &packed_ref, value_bits, &store_label, &miss_label);
+    } else {
+        ctx.block().cond_br(&f64_slot, &f64_label, &miss_label);
+    }
     ctx.current_block = f64_idx;
     let exponent = ctx.block().and(I64, value_bits, F64_EXP_MASK);
     let boxed = ctx.block().icmp_eq(I64, &exponent, F64_EXP_MASK);
     ctx.block().cond_br(&boxed, &miss_label, &store_label);
-    ctx.current_block = constfn_idx;
-    emit_constfn_value_check(ctx, &packed_ref, value_bits, &store_label, &miss_label);
 
     // The store, then the GC's obligations for the bits actually stored.
     ctx.current_block = store_idx;
@@ -536,6 +547,7 @@ pub(crate) fn emit_static_store_ic(
         value_bits,
         &miss_label,
         &merge_label,
+        value_may_be_closure,
     );
 
     ctx.current_block = miss_idx;
@@ -612,6 +624,7 @@ fn emit_key_add_hit(
     value_bits: &str,
     miss_label: &str,
     merge_label: &str,
+    value_may_be_closure: bool,
 ) -> String {
     let rep_idx = ctx.new_block(&format!("{ADD_STEM}.rep"));
     let obj_idx = ctx.new_block(&format!("{ADD_STEM}.object"));
@@ -652,15 +665,19 @@ fn emit_key_add_hit(
     let f64_slot = ctx.block().icmp_eq(I64, &flags, &ADD_F64_SLOT.to_string());
     let f64_idx = ctx.new_block(&format!("{ADD_STEM}.f64"));
     let f64_label = ctx.block_label(f64_idx);
-    let constfn_idx = ctx.new_block(&format!("{ADD_STEM}.constfn"));
-    let constfn_label = ctx.block_label(constfn_idx);
-    ctx.block().cond_br(&f64_slot, &f64_label, &constfn_label);
+    if value_may_be_closure {
+        let constfn_idx = ctx.new_block(&format!("{ADD_STEM}.constfn"));
+        let constfn_label = ctx.block_label(constfn_idx);
+        ctx.block().cond_br(&f64_slot, &f64_label, &constfn_label);
+        ctx.current_block = constfn_idx;
+        emit_constfn_value_check(ctx, packed_ref, value_bits, &obj_label, miss_label);
+    } else {
+        ctx.block().cond_br(&f64_slot, &f64_label, miss_label);
+    }
     ctx.current_block = f64_idx;
     let exponent = ctx.block().and(I64, value_bits, F64_EXP_MASK);
     let boxed = ctx.block().icmp_eq(I64, &exponent, F64_EXP_MASK);
     ctx.block().cond_br(&boxed, miss_label, &obj_label);
-    ctx.current_block = constfn_idx;
-    emit_constfn_value_check(ctx, packed_ref, value_bits, &obj_label, miss_label);
 
     // The GcHeader's first word (obj_type | gc_flags << 8 | _reserved << 16).
     // No receiver-kind admission: the memo's pre-shape is an `Ordinary` shape
@@ -983,3 +1000,40 @@ fn emit_key_handle(ctx: &mut FnCtx<'_>, key_handle_global: &str) -> String {
     let key_bits = blk.bitcast_double_to_i64(&key_box);
     blk.and(I64, &key_bits, crate::nanbox::POINTER_MASK_I64)
 }
+
+/// Can `value` never evaluate to a closure? Literals, operators whose result
+/// is a primitive, fresh object and array literals, and a conditional or
+/// logical expression all of whose possible results are such values. Anything
+/// else (a read, a call, `new`, a function expression) may be one.
+pub(crate) fn value_never_closure(value: &perry_hir::Expr) -> bool {
+    use perry_hir::Expr;
+    match value {
+        Expr::Undefined
+        | Expr::Null
+        | Expr::Bool(_)
+        | Expr::Number(_)
+        | Expr::Integer(_)
+        | Expr::BigInt(_)
+        | Expr::String(_)
+        | Expr::WtfString(_)
+        | Expr::Binary { .. }
+        | Expr::Unary { .. }
+        | Expr::Compare { .. }
+        | Expr::Update { .. }
+        | Expr::TypeOf(_)
+        | Expr::Void(_)
+        | Expr::InstanceOf { .. }
+        | Expr::In { .. }
+        | Expr::Object(_)
+        | Expr::Array(_) => true,
+        Expr::Logical { left, right, .. } => {
+            value_never_closure(left) && value_never_closure(right)
+        }
+        Expr::Conditional {
+            then_expr,
+            else_expr,
+            ..
+        } => value_never_closure(then_expr) && value_never_closure(else_expr),
+        _ => false,
+    }
+}
diff --git a/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/write_pic_barrier_tests.rs b/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/write_pic_barrier_tests.rs
index 17fc8e49e9..7c834ebed1 100644
--- a/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/write_pic_barrier_tests.rs
+++ b/crates/perry-codegen/src/expr/write_pic_barrier_tests.rs
@@ -737,3 +737,47 @@ fn dyn_ic_inline_store_keeps_its_semantic_fallback_for_reference_values() {
         "the receiver guard must still fall through to the outlined helper:\n{ir}"
     );
 }
+
+/// A stored value that can never be a closure (a literal, an operator's
+/// primitive result) has nothing a ConstFn lane could admit, so the site emits
+/// no ConstFn admission: a flagged lane takes the miss, as a failed admission
+/// would. A value that may be a closure keeps it.
+#[test]
+fn store_ic_emits_no_constfn_admission_for_a_value_that_cannot_be_a_closure() {
+    let constfn_blocks = [
+        "put.pic.hit.constfn",
+        "put.add.constfn",
+        "put.pic.constfn.header",
+    ];
+    for (name, value) in [
+        ("store_ic_constfn_number", Expr::Number(1.0)),
+        ("store_ic_constfn_string", Expr::String("s".to_string())),
+        (
+            "store_ic_constfn_sum",
+            Expr::Binary {
+                op: perry_hir::BinaryOp::Add,
+                left: Box::new(Expr::LocalGet(VALUE)),
+                right: Box::new(Expr::Number(1.0)),
+            },
+        ),
+    ] {
+        let ir = write_pic_ir(name, value);
+        for stem in constfn_blocks {
+            assert!(
+                block(&ir, stem).is_none(),
+                "{name}: `{stem}` must not be emitted for a value that is never a closure:\n{ir}"
+            );
+        }
+        assert!(
+            block(&ir, "put.pic.hit.f64").is_some(),
+            "{name}: the F64 lane check stays:\n{ir}"
+        );
+    }
+    let ir = write_pic_ir("store_ic_constfn_any", Expr::LocalGet(VALUE));
+    for stem in constfn_blocks {
+        assert!(
+            block(&ir, stem).is_some(),
+            "a value that may be a closure keeps `{stem}`:\n{ir}"
+        );
+    }
+}